The Sunday Scaries

Raise your hand if the following has ever applied to you:

• You have had at least 5 days off because of the holidays or a vacation and you’re crapping your pants at the thought of work tomorrow.
• You had the freedom, for the most part, to do whatever the hell you wanted to- you were the CEO of your time… and now you’re dreading seeing some of the tools you work with because you can pick your friends, but not your co-workers.
• Around 3 p.m. or so likely on a Sunday, an immense feeling of a gut-punch leaves you so overwhelmed with the week ahead that you resort to extremes…extreme tasking, extreme ruminating or extreme avoiding (drinking on a school night tsk tsk).

Today is the day between my holiday vacation and the start of a new work year. It is the extreme of the Sunday scaries. I have to wear real clothes tomorrow (at least on the top-half of my body). I have to guide the children through their online learning (and by learning I mean screen time) and I need to respect all of my goals I set as I work into 2021. All of these activities are looming as I sit in cuddled in a blanket, leisurely eat bacon as I try to ignore surprises lingering in my inbox.

Here’s the deal, the Sunday Scaries are a real thing. And no matter how much vacation you take, or how many days you try to “pad” into your weekend, it’s totally inevitable that at some point, you will get that creeping, nagging feeling of dread when you need to return back to work. Most Sunday Scaries start around 3 p.m., and show up in a variety of casts and characters. Regardless of the form my Sunday Scary takes, she always shows up to be waited on hand and foot, empty-handed and demanding all my attention, stealing the precious moments of the last day of the weekend.

There is the nagging perfectionist Sunday scary who wants to focus on all the “shoulds” of the week- like, I should meal-prep, I should get ahead of emails, I should be present, I should be grateful, I should have not have drank Saturday. She is such a super-critical bitch that I can never make happy. Other times my Sunday scaries are taken over by a rebellious teen who wants to go out on a school night- I want all-day brunch with bottomless mimosas and Netflix so hard my couch has an ass imprint on it when I am done. I will be busy drowning hours in an Instagram cyclone looking for the perfect treatment for my hormonal acne. Or there is my least favorite scary- ‘Noidy (short for paranoid Sunday scary)- I know Noidy is around when I obsess over all of the past-weeks events from a lens of extreme self-criticism and self-defense, aiming to question everything from does this person like me, to am I good enough for X,Y,Z, to what the hell does that mean when so and so does XYZ. Noidy assumes everything is about me, and also wrongly assumes that everyone is obsessing about how I showed up the week prior as much I am. God she’s exhausting.

So how do you beat the Sunday Scaries? Here are some suggestions:

• Realize that everyone has them at some point, even that kick-ass person you work with and probably Jennifer Aniston. It’s the brain’s natural tendency to want to keep us in our comfort zone and in the warm, soft sweatpants a Sunday has to offer us. Usually the Sunday Scaries aren’t driven by things that really threaten us, but more so a perception- an anticipatory anxiety of sorts, that creates a fight or flight sensation.
• Recognize that your Sunday Scaries may be about the gap between who you are and who you want to be. Said another way, if you are craving certain changes in your life- the way you treat your body, your mind, your relationships, your time- Sundays can become a day of reckoning because this day is when you’re standing between a natural transition: A start of a new week. It forces you to confront the inevitability of time passing and ultimately, how you’re using that time. It makes you consider the should’s with the wants and the have-to’s with the must-to’s and ultimately, forces you to acknowledge the responsibility you have for your life: You and only you.
• Get some damn sleep. It’s not sexy to have a bender or rager on Sundays, trying to cram in every stinking moment of productivity and/or fun into one day. Take your ass to bed at a decent time. Try to limit it to one adult beverage. Try to avoid screen time an hour before-hand, and if you feel like there is too much in your head to rest, get a notebook and take a Scary Sunday brain-dump so you can process all of your emotions and to-dos, leaving your brain and body free to rest.
• Make time for friends on Sunday. It can be a text, a virtual coffee, a walk outside.. Just make sure you invite someone into your life beyond your Scary Sunday personality. When we connect with others, we must be present with them. If you’re truly present, you don’t have time to let the Sunday Scaries in.
• You don’t have to treat every Sunday the same, but a few good habits can give you a sense of empowerment heading into your week. There may be a Sunday you want to drink beers and watch The Cleveland Browns almost win, and there may be another Sunday where you go to a 90-minute hot yoga class and drink Kava tea. Either way, I’d challenge you to devote at least 20 minutes to doing one thing that helps you prepare for the week ahead in order to foster a sense of empowerment. Here are some small baby steps that actually account for a big feeling of stability:
• Decide 3 priorities that are non-negotiables for the week and make sure you have enough time throughout your gift of life in the next week to do what you promised you would.
• Tidy up your space. Pick up your crap, put away your laundry, put your shoes, coat and bags where you need them.
• Pamper yourself. Take a hot bath with candles. File your nails. Maybe make this the day you shave your legs and wash your hair.
• Make a ritual out of Sunday evening activity. Maybe it’s a game you play, a meditation you do, a walk you take, maybe it’s a book you read, or a prayer you say- do something that honors the week you had, and the days in life you get to live.

So buck up, buddy. You are here to do all the things life has to offer every damn day- even Sundays after 3 p.m.